I was walking down the alley between Locust and Walnut, coming back from my workout around the park, when I spied another one of those ubiquitous things you seem to see around all the time these days. It was, like, half<\/i> a television, half an analog<\/i> television, picture tube and a few strands of colored wire protruding from a plastic frame. Lying beside it, crushed into a couple dozen pieces, was the plastic from the rear of the device. Most of the circuitry was missing.<\/p>\n
I wouldn’t have to walk too far down the alleys before finding a similar scene of grisly electronic carnage. Such tableau, multiple carcasses even, seem to be quite commonplace, at least for the time being.<\/p>\n
I’m thinking, since all analog TVs are headed for the recycle bin in the next couple years, many folks have the problem of just what to do with that $800, 200 lb., doorstop that they just replaced with a $150 High Definition TV from South Korea. A replacement that, incidentally, produces three times the picture size, incredible image quality, and better sound and only weighs about 10 lbs.<\/p>\n
It seems some folks have figured out that television circuitry is made using precious metals, gold, silver, platinum, and such like. The TV carcass tableau are what’s left after the integrated circuit boards are removed. The TVs may have been left out on the street, picked up by an ‘entrepreneur’ and transported to some location nowhere near his or her own residence, eviscerated and abandoned.<\/p>\n
So, actually, I’m kind of blind to that sort of thing when I’m out on my walks. However, as I was passing this particular shatter I saw, out of the corner of my eye, a bright flashy movement. The sun glinting off some shiny surface, I mentally shrugged and was about to dismiss it when I heard a small, tiny voice saying, \u201cHelp me!\u201d<\/p>\n
I froze in my tracks. Yes, I thought, now it’s finally happened. I’ve finally gone over the edge of the map to that part that says \u201cHere there be dragons.\u201d<\/p>\n
And then I heard it again–there was no mistaking it. \u201cHelp me!\u201d it implored.\u00a0It was a tiny, scratchy little voice. Just like the trapped fly at the end of \u201cThe Fly.\u201d Not the one with Jeff Goldblum, the old 1950’s one with David Hedison. I stared at the wretched TV. There! I saw the flash again and saw that it came from a piece of windblown foil. But that little voice . . . \u201cHelp me!\u201d<\/p>\n
Okay, so I’m crazy! I can afford to be\u00a0gullible. \u201cHelp you? How can I help you?\u201d I said in the direction of the wreck.<\/p>\n
\u201cTake me. Put me back together. I still have life! I can still be your everything!\u201d it squeaked.<\/p>\n
I said, \u201cYou’re a broken, smashed up, beaten down, destroyed<\/i> television. How could I possibly put you back together? You don’t have any circuitry left at all, not even a power switch.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou’re making a big mistake,\u201d the voice said. \u201cI can give you anything you want.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLike you’re some kind of genie, eh?\u201d I queried, \u201cthree wishes and all that, right?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh no, much more than a genie,\u201d it said, \u201cmuch more than three wishes. Everything and anything you want can be yours and so much more. Just fix me up and you’ll see. Don’t think about it; just do it!\u201d<\/p>\n
Having endless wishes come true sounded pretty good. Since I’d finally lost it I thought I might as well play along. What can it hurt? And then it hit me.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou been promising me that all my life, bitch,\u201d I said as I turned and continued on down the alley.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I was walking down the alley between Locust and Walnut, coming back from my workout around the park, when I spied another one of those ubiquitous things you seem to see around all the time these days. It was, like, half a television, half an analog television, picture tube and a few strands of colored … Continue reading Cry for Help: The Dying TV<\/span>